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Things I Would Rather Do Than Program In Javascript

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I am writing up a new version of batBack, my web syndication tool. I have realized over the last few weeks that I have been procrastinating. Well finally today I figured out why: I hate Javascript. I don't mean hate like "I would rather eat snails" i mean hate like "i would rather live with snails" It's just bad. Everything is an object, nothing has a type, and structures are total BS. Yes -- there are ways around anything, but at the end of the day, when I'm working in Javascript, I keep feeling like I should have done something, anything more important with my time.

So I decided to write a list of things I would rather do than program in Javascript. It goes something like this:

  • Surf around on Digg, DZone or Slashdot
  • Write a blog article
  • Clip toenails
  • Clip fingernails
  • Wait for toenails and fingernails to grow back to clip them again
  • Have my blood sucked out by rabid weasels
  • Be given an enema by an escaped circus elephant
  • Watch a 14-hour miniseries on the history of naval lint
  • Search for naval lint
  • Join the navy
  • Clean a battleship with a feather duster
  • Pluck feathers from the giant angry horned attack ostrich of New Guinea
  • Juggle Guinea Pigs
  • Investigate the velocity of a Guinea Pig shot through a piece of PVC pipe by exploding lighter fluid
  • Determine whether flaming Guinea Pigs leave smoke trails
  • Create firing computer for Guinea Pig cannon
  • Test firing computer on neighbors when they get home
  • Be arrested
  • Sing a solo of "Everbody Must Get Stoned" at the Policeman's Ball
  • Found my own religion
  • Design cool outfits and hand salutes
  • Become an expert on Star Trek
  • Stare out window pointlessly
  • Clean windows
  • Invent my own rap song about cleaning windows
  • Learn to like rap
  • Write a book about the Lindbergh baby Kidnapping
  • Be abducted by space aliens
  • Ask aliens about Lindbergh kidnapping
  • Write book "Were Aliens involved in the Lindbergh Kidnapping?"
  • Appear on Oprah
  • Kiss Oprah square on the mouth and announce that I am her love child
  • Hire a lawyer
  • Write new book: "Oprah: She ain't gay, she's my momma"
  • Hire another lawyer
  • Become romantically involved with Jennifer Aninston (Hey! It's my list. I make the rules here)
  • Surf web for new pictures of Jennifer Aninston
  • Pick nose
  • Take a nap
  • Get to work!

Right now I'm on item #2. That gives me some time before I have to start working!

4 Comments

So. maybe you should investigate how to make javascript work with you a bit more instead of fighting with it so much. 1) https://addons.mozilla.org/firefox/1843/ (Firebug debugger), 2) http://www.jslint.com/lint.html (JSLint Javascript Verifier), 3) Use some established cross browser libraries. Prototype, Scriptaculous, Mochikit. All viable options. It won't solve all your problems, but it will probably help a bunch.

Maybe you should learn JavaScript first. Really, JavaScript works very well and is very powerfull. You only have to know how it works.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the comments.

I already program in C++, C, VB, C#, Java, PL-SQL, and T-SQL. I have been using HTML and JavaScript for as long as it has been out, I think.

I understand your comments and I find them useful. I already have FF and all of the extensions, and I think I know JS. Where else could you just take a variable, any variable, and assign stuff to it on the fly? It's a beautiful thing. Everything is everything.

Aside from the lack of type support, poor error handling, awful information hiding, and cross-browser headaches, I love JavaScript. It's the best "true" internet language we have today. And I think most of the cool apps of the next few years will be built in it.

Perhaps my environment is not tweaked enough. I am just jumping back in again, so I am sure part of my trepidation is just my feelings about the transition period. I find it tough to do C#, JS, T-SQL, and SOAP at the same time. Perhaps others do not.

If you use the haXe compiler you can get the static types back.

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This page contains a single entry by Daniel published on August 16, 2006 4:00 PM.

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Daniel Markham